You’ve got to burn long before you rise.

I thought I was going to die...

Well, at least my deep rooted need for survival, belonging and safety in my body and nervous system did.

It felt like death because in a sense it was death. A death of a life that no longer served the truest places within my spirit and heart.

I walked away from a 10 year marriage AND left the Mormon religion within 6 months of each other at age 30.

Death is the only way to describe this chapter. The death of a dream of my childhood “perfect family”.

The death of a God and community that wasn’t in resonance with my soul.

The death of relationships that surrounded both of these.

I lost my “family”
I lost my community
I lost God
I lost my Lifelong Best Friend
I lost SO damn much

But what I found was something more precious than anything I could have ever imagined .... I found ME.

I had always been there. Just under layers of religious and societal conditioning and unworthiness beliefs.

I found HER.
My inner little girl.
My wise woman.
My inner mother.
My inner sex goddess.
I found her voice.
I found her song.
I found her dance.
I found her pleasure.
I found her path.
I found her PEACE and PLAY.

SHE was there to catch me.

Brick by brick I built a new life.

Created a beautiful new version of a family that doesn’t fit “societal norms”.

I found that Goddess and God have always been within me as great masculine and feminine energies.
Reconnected with my creator.
Was lead to new friendships.

I cried almost every night. I also celebrated every day. I’ve never laughed so hard.

I loved deeper than I could have ever imagined and navigated through decades of rage and grief.

I danced into a new existence. A new decade. A new life.

I don’t think this path is for everyone. But I do recommend some serious reflection if the only thing standing in your way of feeling dead and stuck now and the life that is calling to you ... are your relationships, community, conditioning and fear of what others will think or say.

I’ve survived some of my worst nightmare and you can too.

You’ve got to burn long before you rise.
But my loves ... the rising ... well it’s fucking magnificent.